Getting Schooled

This post will be very brief because it precedes a 20-minute disco nap, since tonight I am going to see another midnight showing, this time for Snow White and the Huntsman. I'm kind of nervous about it, because the last time I went to a midnight showing I WAS ONLY 34!!!

At any rate, I *strongly* suspect that I have Ms. Whitaker to thank for this post. 

I found the fodder littered on my classroom floor. It's about Antarctica. And hypothermia. And how to be prepared. 

I do not want to report to you all the grizzly details of hypothermia. Suffice it to say that if you start to have to exercise to keep warm, start eating. Or something like that. Apparently, in Antarctica, most of the food people eat goes directly to the purpose of keeping their body temperature stable. Foods taken along on the mysterious trans-antarctic expedition to which the article refers are dried potatoes, oatmeal, popcorn, salmon, sardines, wild rice, pasta, cheese, dried milk, sunflower seeds and tea. 

The layers of clothing the expeditioners wear are: thermal underwear, jacket and pants, and finally an easily removable outer layer. 

Their sleeping bags are made of special waterproof, double-layered materials. 

The story states that, "hypothermia can be prevented through proper food and liquids, proper clothing, and proper shelter." Lack of these basics, combined with overextending yourself and not being aware (the article says, "an irresponsible attitude") can be blamed for causing hypothermia. 

Then, it goes on to tell us what to do if someone gets hypothermia:

1. Get the person out of the cold. 

2. Replace wet clothes with warm, dry ones. 

3. Have the person exercise if they can. 

4. If the victim is unconscious, try to wake them and make them drink warm fluids. 

Finally, a handy acronym is offered for your help preventing hypothermia. As follows:

C- keep your clothes CLEAN

O- avoid OVERHEATING (sweating)

L- wear clothes LAYERED and LOOSE

D- keep clothing DRY (wear wool!)

Thank you very much, Ms. Whitaker. 

Q: Why on Earth think about Antarctica at a time like this, when at any moment zombies could come pounding on the door?

A: We all know that you don't have to go to Antarctica to suffer from hypothermia. 

I'll contribute the hyperlinks. ;)

Here's one for the Moon-Reagan expedition.

And another about Felicity Aston.  

Product Reviews

I recently attended a professional development in which we read a portion of the 1992 article, "Jihad v. McWorld." Part of the after-class online discussion component, because one of the professors conveniently forgot to upload a question for us to answer, was to comment on how "Jihad v. McWorld" compares to our contemporary American political parties. I answered that the parties are not different and that both support a McWorld of ugly consumerism that I myself also support because McFlurries are delicious and I would like to keep my cell phone in coltan for as long as possible.

So, in a nod to the McWorld that we live in, I offer the following reviews of products I have acquired as part of my apocalypse gear. I tested these products this Memorial Day Weekend (thank you for your service, veterans) during a camping trip to Mt. Charleston, where it (drum roll please) *snowed* on my head!

I finally got to use the ThermaRest camping mat that I bought for $3.50 at a recent REI garage sale. Oooh a contest!!! Ima totally use my ThermaRest again and try to win me some stuff! ah-haha. Maybe. There's a lot going on between now and June 11 when the contest ends.

I am so impressed with the boosting power of the ReVIVE solar charger that I purchased a combination solar flashlight/radio/NOAA radio/cell phone charger. The jury is still out on that. Out of the box, the radio worked really well, but after a few hours of cloudy charging on the mountain, not so much. The flashlight still worked like a charm, though.

I also unwrapped my first Emergency Fire Starter (thanks for the tip, Gokey!) on this particular trip to the mountain. I eyeballed it with suspicion for three full minutes, but then three minutes after THAT, thanks to a generous handful of dryer lint, I had THIS:

And this kept us in not dogs and s'mores.

AND that's about all of the products I've been able to afford in the past few months. I've lived up to my Being Useful resolution by reviewing them, and a few more, on amazon.com. There is however something else I learned during my trip to the mountaintop, which I will share with you-all now:

YOUR APOCALYPSE BAG IS USELESS IF YOU HAVEN'T PACKED IT.

Remember all of the little check marks I put on the Na'he list? YEAH. I have all of those things, but I only have a small number of things in the grab-as-you-head-out-the-door bag. In fact I had to make a memo in my cell phone (thank you, Congolese miners!!!) to throw the games and the paper/pen into the bag. I'll do that now.

I cannot say enough about the value of field-testing your apocalypse kit. Not only does it simultaneously make you feel prepared (ThermaRest) and show you how unprepared you are (games), but it also gives you a chance to breathe air untainted by the smog of the McWorld below, which we seek to escape even as we are entangled in it.

We were able to see verdins in the trees, white-tailed antelope ground squirrels, whole families of deer, wild horses (sorry, I simply COULD NOT help it), and burros to boot!

Summer's coming! It's so close that we can taste it! Happy Camping.

Already in Progress

On a serious note, this morning a student member of my Zombie Apocalypse Team (don't be fooled by the hyperlink - my student isn't any of these famous people) came in absolutely freaking out. "Miss! How do we know when Judgement Day (we hate wikipedia but we love art!) will happen!?!?" He blathered nonsensically about the Three Horsemen ("There are four horsemen, honey," I said) and was not necessarily what I would call tranquil and having a mind in a state of readiness for finishing the novel we are reading, Schooled. 

I decided that he needed counseling of a variety the school counselors were not exactly equipped to provide. So I sat him down for a chat and calmly explained to him that he needn't be worried about something that may or may not happen at any given time, and that he would do better to concentrate on things that are within his control. I then reminded him that I am unqualified to give spiritual advice, and urged him to consult with his spiritual leader in matters like these. I tell this story to congratulate myself on what I feel was a living-up-to my New Year's Resolution 2012: Be Useful. 

Please know that in my six years of teaching, >1 student has come to me freaked out about the possible end of the world. 

So, since I didn't get to come home and blog today between the end of my normal work day and the beginning of the 6th annual awards night that I have survived, I decided to get some blog fodder. I went to Aliante Station and watched the first part of Battleship. By "the first part," I mean that I had to walk out on the exciting conclusion (during a particularly heartwarming moment, BTW). I OFFICIALLY hated the movie, but that isn't why I walked out. I had time anxiety and was scared of missing the beginning of tonight's awards. 

I love most of the leading cast members, so all's well. As you may know, Friday Night Lights is both one of my favorite TV shows and one of the things I miss the most about my former life. 

Which brings me to my newest call to action. OK. It was a matinee, I get that. But I was alone in the theater with just three other people. How do we as a society expect to lead this world (or any other) through an apocalypse if we can't even get off our lazy butts and participate in the part of civic life that consists of munching nachos in the dark while staring at a larger-than-life screen in a squishy chair the size of our loveseats at home? *end of rant*

Aliens. They don't even have a place on the Doomsday Dashboard. I went ahead and made a little chart of what Battleship can teach us Apocalyptically, anyway. 

The Good	The Bad	The Ugly
Acquire courage or get a prosthetic leg inserted where the sun don’t shine.	Assume the aliens intend harm to humans.	Hair.
When some otherwordly weapon is flying at your friend’s face and your friend freezes, pick your friend up and drag them to safety.	Shoot first and ask questions later.	Srsly, think about what you’re doing to your hair.
Learn about the way that someone from another culture does things, and if they know more than you, let them take the lead.
If there are any old people hanging around looking proud and stoic, recruit them to your cause with a heartwarming speech.

I may in fact go back and see the movie again, waiting until about an hour in and then slipping into a seat for the dramatic climax. I can't be a plot ruiner because I didn't see the ending, but I predict with full confidence, as in every contest between alien invaders and the American Military, the good guys will win. 

Let's hope so. 

In the meantime, I will now continue my regularly-scheduled Thursday night date with the Winchester Brothers, in a world where the outcome is much more precarious than anything the Hoebers wrote for the cinema audience. 

Na'he's Annotated List

For this one, you'll need some time to dedicate to the contemplation of things that people need in order to survive. On April 26, I put out a Call for Submissions for things that we will need whether OR NOT everything goes awry in December. The most apocalypse-prepared individual I know (and I mean that in the good "prepared" way, and not the "James Wesley Rawles kinda crazy" way), Na'he Martin, sent me The Tiffany List. I have included it below, with editorial comments, and little check marks next to the things that I personally have.

ü      Many extra pairs of shoes

(maybe not enough to last until the end of time, but enough to get me to a shoe store I can loot)

ü      Lots of thread with needles

ü      Spare jacket and sweaters

(I believe I have hoodies enough for the whole neighborhood to wear for at least a decade)

Waterproofing oil materials

ü      Duct tape

Rope

Wire (including copper wire)

Synthetic twine for making nets

A saw or two

ü      A hiking backpack

ü      An axe

Tarps

Extra gasoline

(I will have to barter for this. It's too volatile for me to have lying around in the desert.)

Or maybe an old Mercedes converted for biofuel

(Why Mercedes?)

Ideally a pop-up Vanogan converted to bio

(Much cuter)

A bicycle plus oil and fix-it book

Panniers

ü      Pocket Knives (multi-tools?)

Flint rock

Magnesium

Magnifying glass

(I have little fire starters - do these count?)

ü      Water purifier

(I have a limited supply)

Canteen

(Nalgene bottles OK?)

ü      Protein powder

for a few years until the garden is established (I have 47 servings, or enough for 1.5 months)

Soap or materials to make soap 

Wash cloths

Towels

(it's not that I don't keep clean with soap/towels/etc., but I don't have an Apocalypse supply to speak of)

A weapon and knowledge about how to use it

(I have a few things that COULD be used as weapons, that I know how to use...)

Encyclopedia

40 Volume set of the OED volumes of “How Things Work” ???

ü      A book on chemistry (I got this weirdly, but I do have it.)

Book on house building

“The Art of the Stonemason” by Cramb (I want this!)

ü      Trowel

ü      Seeds (definitely not enough seeds to last me from now on or anything)

Hoe, shovel, weed puller, hand clippers, book on N. American plants, season planting guide

Spices

Grain seeds including wheat, flax, hemp, hops, barley, malt, marijuana (good for bartering)

Book on making beer (trading)

Book of building stone ovens

Yeast, baking powder/soda

Lots of black pepper seeds

ü      Salt

ü      Sugar

ü      Vitamin C – no scurvy! (Once again, not ENOUGH of any of these things.)

ü      Deck of cards

Checker/chess board

Flat sheets

ü      Tool box (hammer, screwdriver, ratchet set, wrench, nails, screws, glue, etc)

Stone mastic

Cement

Sand

Lime

Sharpening stone (I have one for my flintknapping tools, but it's too tiny, doesn't count.)

Tape measure

ü      Scissors (In fact, I have 30 pairs of scissors, not that they would cut metal or anything...)

A plane

Chisels

Gouges

Hand drill w/bits

ü      Metal files

Machine oil

Lubricant

Powdered milk paints

Vise

Clamps

Kite

ü      Advil

ü      Medical kit

Gray’s anatomy

Grave’s alcohol, and a book on distilling

Enough tampons to last until menopause

A dog (but then you have to feed it)

Or trained falcon

Portable wind-up phonograph, with records

Figure out how to make electricity by bicycle like the NYC 99% people

Fishing pole/line/hooks/lures

ü      Compass

ü      Paper/pens/ink/pencils

ü      A mass amount of large Ziplock bags

ü      Tin foil

Eye glasses

Collapsible water barrels

Oil lanterns/candles

Book on candlemaking

Chickens, with wire to fence them

Guinea pigs (are these for eating?)

Goats (I would love a goat!) 

Shoe laces

Figure out a new calendar system b/c notches on wall will get boring

Celestial map for whole year (does star chart count? If so: check!)

Favorite books

(maybe a copy of Robinson Crusoe for irony but not Lord of the Flies) (heheh)

ü      Raincoat

Gortex

Topo maps

“The Artist’s Handbook” by Ralph Mayor, a must for understanding how raw materials combine (want!)

LED lights in case you have electricity

ü      Hand-crank flashlight (Yosemite flashlight, plus one on the way, solar-powered!)

ü      Radio (in case someone is running the waves)

Book of Latin (for future and past identification)

Medical books and first aid

#disasters other than war

OH sweet sweet goldmine of U.S. history, how you never fail me!

I was recently loaned by my awesome roommate an artifact from her family history: Personal and Family Survival: Civil Defense Adult Education Course Student Manual. Publication date: 1963. *droool*

Topics covered, edited for conciseness by yours truly, include: Warning and Communications, Weapons and Fallout, Community Shelters, Preparing for Living in a Community Shelter, Home Shelters, Rehabilitation After Emerging from the Shelter, Local Plans, and Survival on the Farm.

Spoiler alert! "Tools that can be used for rescue are shovels, crowbars, hammers, screwdrivers, pliers, ropes and buckets. These tools might be required to clear exits from basements of buildings." Mmm, shovels and CROWBARS! How exciting! If you're as excited as I am about Personal and Family Survival a la 1963, you can get the entire online version here. Of course, that one doesn't have the one thing that makes history the most exciting: the personal note scribbled on the notes page in the back of the faded green booklet. That note, in the case of Amanda's book, is the title of this post. 


Of course the Office of Civil Defense was abolished on July 20, 1979 (because let's be honest, only 27% of twitter users care about war these days anyway) when it was repurposed as...drum roll please...FEMA. 


Haha. Classy.


So, if you have loads of spare time (which you presumably do if you're reading this), feel free to join me in taking one of their Independent Study Classes. We can compare notes. 


If you only have enough spare time to read this blog and nothing else, then I'll give you something besides a FEMA course to look forward to: the upcoming Tiffany List produced by Melana'he Martin. Wait for it...

Short and Sweet

Cursing and blood.
If you can handle these two things, read this book.
You will be grossed out.
You will laugh. You will cry.
And you will be really really grossed out.

Enjoy!

The Best One-Credit Class EVER!

Notes from the GAIN (Geographic Alliance In Nevada) trip to GCW, which might help us in the apocalypse.
1. Handouts are good.
2. On a long ride down a bumpy dirt road, taking pictures of Joshua Trees is a nice way to pass the time.
3. There is no outgoing mail service from the Hualapai Nation.
4. No cameras or phones are allowed on the skywalk. Also, there are booties to wear over your shoes.
5. Photos of random strangers may be more "authentic" than just scenery, proving that I actually went to the West Rim of the Grand Canyon, instead of photoshopping myself in.
6. Guano=bat poop. High levels of nitrates mean it can be used to make gunpowder.
7. Climbing the rocks is easier than descending them.
8. The cowboy on the cheesy Old West-themed ranch may turn out to be your Bows&Arrows instructor.
9. Then, the cowboy might point a gun in your direction.
10. Finally, the same cowboy might be your instructor again for the Hatchet Throw.

What were two of those last ones? That's right: in addition to hiking to 360-degree views of the West Rim, I also hit the target with all four of my arrows thanks to the cowboy's patient teaching methods. AND, although all four of my hatchet throws also hit the target, only the final throw stuck.

Bring on the IcyHot, and then Bring on the Zombies!

Blogger's Block

Here at the end of my year, which has been an academic instead of a calendar year ever since I was five years old, I am in full ADD mode, and I do not know if this is due to a lack of blog fodder or an overload. I specifically try to post on Tuesdays, Thursdays and sometimes Saturdays, because my friend Krista and I started our themed blogs at about the same time. You will know this is not shocking because if you read both of our blogs, you know we have some of the same good ideas, and you know what they say about great minds.  Krista posts the Wannabe on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays each week. Therefore, in my quest to fulfill my New Year's Resolution of usefulness, I like to give you something to read every other day so that you can dedicate the off days to the wannabe. This week I am hideously late. Why?

1. I have a magazine problem. At a recent professional development, I picked up an old copy of Archaeology magazine and learned that Europeans were using guns as early as the 15th century. I decided to dedicate a post to the fact that guns in the 15th century were likely to blow up in the user's face, since they were such new technology, and they were more of a fashion statement than a useful weapon. I wonder if the same might not be said today? The author interviews a scholar who compares the 15th century gun (the article was about the Battle of Towton) to driving onto a contemporary battlefield in a Ferrari.

2. I was going to link my comments about this article that I read to my comments on another article from the current issue of Discover magazine about the history of human warfare. Problem: I didn't read the article due to becoming distracted by the fact that Barack Obama is on the cover of the current Rolling Stone, of which I read half (distracted again by the need to choose multichoice questions for my departmental common assesment) whilst dancing around singing the old Dr. Hook song. So, there went yesterday's post, and I still haven't read the article.

3. Not finishing the 2nd half of my blog homework means that I will fail in my ambition to move Global Thermonuclear Warfare to the top of the Doomsday Dashboard.

4. Next, the discovery of some Maya glyphics that were older than the oldest discovered Maya glyphics prompted two of my friends on facebook to post links to articles stating that the world will not end at the end of the year. Problem thus solved, I decided to try again to move Mario into another world.

There is a fine line between a reason and an excuse. In the words of a French proverb, "He who makes excuses accuses himself." Hopefully I will be back on track again next week to update you on Discover magazine and any new developments. In the meantime, look forward to a special Sunday post dedicated to the West Rim. Until then, my loyal readers...

For Tonight's Skill...

...a day late and not helpful in the apocalypse, but nonetheless...

I'm going to try to learn how to imbed a video.

<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/41781867?byline=0&amp;portrait=0" width="400" height="300" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe>

Hmm that totally didn't work, AND I spelled embed wrong...



Let's see if my 2nd attempt worked!
Ooh it looks like it totally did.
If so, two things...
1) This video is from the previously-mentioned, now-over-for-2011 Globe at Night campaign.
2) Here are the instructions for embedding videos in case the rest of you are SLOW like Yours Truly (YT).

Embedding is fun! I'll try it again, to at least make this blog post relevant by including an apocalypse joke, which I found on Pinterest thanks to the mad pinning skills of one Amanda Musgrove. Hmm, I'm going to have to work on adjusting the size. Ha! Enjoy.

Source: zazzle.com via Tiffany on Pinterest

Apocalypse Birthday!

My friend Krista and I have an annual tradition to meet (or try to - one year we failed and ended at Red Robin) at our favorite Mexican restaurant, Bonito Michoacan, for 5 de Mayo, where we also celebrate our nearly-mutual birthdays. Imagine my delight when I pulled the tissue paper from my gift bag and found an Emergency Zone kit!  I am now officially fabulous. The kit contains enough stuff to keep me alive for nearly three days. I will add it to my growing stockpile of portable get-out-of-town supplies!

In addition, I'd like to offer my preliminary review of the ReVIVE series solar charger for my phone, iPod and Kindle. I stuck it in the window as soon as it came out of the box (thanks Mom and Dad!) and used it to plug in my phone. Works like a charm! Even the instruction manual warns, however, that it will only charge up to 50% from the sun. It works best when plugged into the wall, so solar charging is only good for a "boost," but whatever, it's still the coolest gadget in the universe, and it is only my second attempt at harnessing the power of the sun. (The first being my banana chip adventure, and there I go hyperlinking to myself again!)

For my more POST-apocalyptic fans, I offer the note that came with my mockingjay pin. (Weirdest hyperlink ever!)

Oops! It's sideways. And blurry. But it reports that my pin is an authentic prop replica. XD
And I don't have Jodi's permission to post it. So...it may have to come down. But not right away.

The reason it's blurry is that I'm rushing to go for a walk with Miss Gokey to see the supermoon. I was alerted to the Supermoon by my Sigma Kappa big, Michelle Gessler Terchila.

As a final note, if you'd like to wish me a happy apocalypse birthday IN PERSON, Southwest Airlines is offering a pretty cool contest to win a trip. But if you win thanks to my alerting you, you have to at least call me, unlike half of my cousins when they come to Vegas.

On that happy (birthday) note, I bid my readers adieu and go out to look at the sky.

A Few Media Footnotes

1. I am currently watching Supernatural, and the apocalypse has finally come into the show. I'm waiting with bated breath to find out what happens!

2. I am satisfied that my fellow graduate of Indiana University, Suzanne Collins, did NOT plagiarize The Hunger Games from the "original survival game" Japanese novel called Battle Royale. Granted, I am only about halfway through Battle Royale. The concept is similar, but there are points that make it different enough to not be plagiarized. I will update my loyal readers on this book as I make my way through it.

3. DETENTION OF THE DEAD, starring one of my favorite young actors, Jacob Zachar, is premiering this weekend at the Newport Beach film festival. Sadly I will be unable to attend. But I look forward to the film coming to Las Vegas where I can thoroughly enjoy it.

4. Finally, it's been a long time since we've checked in with the Doomsday Dashboard. Trending tonight:  nuclear war is winning at 27%, followed closely by pandemic at 26% and economic collapse at 21.