Certified Dental Patient

That's me.
In this post, you'll receive more information about what to include in your kit. Read on.

I have the benefit of four free teeth cleanings per year, and boy howdy I intend to use them up until the world ends or until I leave the great state of Nevada to return to my roots.

When your dentist has, in the past, actively yelled at you, you get the fear of dentures in your heart and you floss like you've never flossed before in your natural life.

So yesterday, when I peeled myself up from the Island of Couch, where I lounged airing the house and listening to no other soundtrack but the rain (it was a glorious day, what with the rain), it was with apprehension. I feared that Steve would make me bleed and lecture me about the floss.

When, as a teacher, I stand up in front of a group of thirteen-year-olds and tell them a classic story about my life ("Kids, as I sat in the NBC studios and watched Mike give a weather report in front of the green screen, I couldn't help but be reminded of the horse I rode up the slope of Cotopaxi in Quito..."), I am well aware that my audience is captive, and I am glad of it.

I wonder if Steve feels the same. In the past three months, he has become, in my opinion, a kinder, gentler, dentist. He used the word, "healthy" and revealed to me part of the plot of his novel-in-progress. He also writes and illustrates children's books. "If he ever takes the suction thingie out of my mouth," I thought, "I will mention that I remember that he has a son, what little crumb snatcher was running around in here playing a video game back in June." However, before I had the chance, he used the words, "court" and "custody battle," and I decided not to mention any memory of the child. The child is seven years old and enjoys the movie Wild Hogs.

When I revealed that I blog about the Impending Apocalypse, Steve admitted that he has guns and food storage. I therefore felt comfortable enough to ask him what supplies are most important for our teeth in the event there's no longer a dentist's office.

1. Start swishing with fluoride rinse now, kids, before it's too late! After Listerine and other brands like it are no longer available, rinsing with water will also go a long way towards allowing us to continue to chew our food and therefore stay alive.
2. Steve recommends a dental scaler. He says it helps to have some training in order to avoid scraping enamel off of the teeth, which would make your post-apocalypse problems worse instead of better.
3. "Ugh!" I said. "Imagine having to pull a tooth!" He said that as long as they were well-boiled...in a real pinch...and remember you have NO EXCUSE to do it before the apocalypse...pliers would do the trick.
BUT! The real trick would be to prevent needing to go to such drastic extremes by...
4. you guessed it: brushing and flossing. Brushing can be done without toothpaste.
Finally, as an afterthought as I was paying my bill, Steve mentioned that it would be good to have one of those little
5. dental mirrors.

So there you have it. Five more things with which to stock your bag.