Did someone say AARP magazine?

Nope, no. No one did, but I'm about to. That's right: my magazine problem is so severe that I'm now reporting to you on a story in the October/November issue of the magazine mailed out by the American Association of Retired Persons. At least I think that's what it stands for. I can't find it on the website. AARP is, incidentally, the nation's largest lobbying organization. Clearly, AARP votes on issues of importance to retirees.

Here are the hints from the magazine's "Reimagine Your Life" guide, which it seems is an advertisement for this book. I'm not saying that my readers' lives need to be reimagined. But I've been trying to reimagine mine, including making some flying leaps out of my comfort zone - you may have noticed all of the math problems I've been posting on facebook! AARP is talking specifically to their target demographic, retiring baby boomers. However, I found that the tips they offer are general and applicable to a wider audience. Namely, me. Maybe you, too.

Step 1: Reflect on the path that has brought you to where you are, and set goals for where you want your path to take you.
2. Establish or identify your "feedback panel," or your inner circle of people you can use as sounding boards. Unlike other systems that suggest setting up an inner-circle team, AARP also assigns roles to the team just like a good teacher assigns roles in a collaborative group. The roles are: catalyst, connector, taskmaster, and mentor.
3. This step is my favorite: open yourself to the unknown (in my case, SAT math). The magazine states that you can separate what you've always done from what you do in the future. AARP suggests "change your standard route home from work." Pretty tame. But it goes from there to things like opening a business. If you are a certain type of person, like I am, you can keep track of your feelings about your explorations in a "possibilities journal."
4. Next, choose from one of your newfound passions and follow it. Here's my favorite quote from this part: "Multiple paths lead to the goal of reinvention." I agree.
5. Remove the obstacles that are keeping you from reaching your goals, including everything that is part of who you used to be, but is no longer part of who you are. (I'm sorry, AARP, but I'm just not ready to dispose of the gigantic plastic tub labeled "World History teaching materials"...yet.)
FINALLY...
...drum roll please...
...more ellipses just for fun...
6. take action. "Take a step," says the magazine, "in a new direction. ANY direction."

Sounds good to me.

I have also learned from this article that retired people have an awful lot to think about. I guess we all do.

Good luck on your quest. If you are inspired, as I was, by the advice from our forbears (as I assume my readers are mostly members of my generation), let me know in a comment what new and scary activities you are participating in.

Did Someone Say Popular Mechanics?

Yes, someone did. It was me. As part of my magazine problem, I noticed the bright orange cover, the ring buoy, and the large-typeface words "SURVIVAL SECRETS," and I couldn't resist.

I had flipped through the magazine previously and noticed the horrible idea of smearing a peanut butter pattern on your jack-o-lantern and letting the squirrel carve it. Below, by the way, previously seen by you on twitter if you follow me (@OriginalGeoTrix), is the image of the muffins that I made from Whipped the Blog. I planned to make the muffins during the writing of my previous post.

Anyway, I read the cover story during my prep hour while subbing for world history class at Griffith High School. The "Survival Secrets" article was basically a list of 20 superweirdo* ways to die, some of which I'd never heard of (low head dams, shallow-water blackout, "cliffing out?"). I decided I would share with you my personal top 10 favorites, and then you can decide for yourself whether you would like to buy the issue. 

Superweirdo* ways that people die, and how to avoid them

1. vending machines/don't let them fall on you. You may want to avoid them all together. 

2. jumping off a dock into electrified water. / Don't swim. Ever. (I call impractical on this one.)

3. riding ATVs on pavement, flipping over, getting crushed./Ride ATVs only on ATV trails. Personally, I will not be riding ATVs. 

4. lawnmowers./while mowing, do not mow sideways across a steep slope. Mow up and down the slope. 

5. falling from ladders and scaffolds/THREE POINTS OF CONTACT applies here, as well. Remember.

6. crossing a stream/DO NOT CROSS if you throw a stick into the water and it moves faster than you can comfortably walk. 

7. cutting down trees/do not chop trees that stand at an angle. Personally, I will not be cutting down trees. 

8. getting hit in the chest by baseballs./don't get hit in the chest by a baseball. 

9. falling out of a tree while hunting/use a harness. Personally, I won't be hunting. At least, I'm not planning on hunting. Never say never. 

10. generators./Don't use generators indoors or overnight, keep generators at least 20 ft from the house so that carbon monoxide doesn't seep in through the windows. 

Also...avoid riptides. 

#6 is my favorite. I never knew that (ok, I never knew any of these things), and I think it's the one I can apply most directly to my life. Well, #6 and #1. Which is your favorite? Do you have any other superweirdo* ways to die? 

*"superweirdo" is a word I either just made up, or just reclaimed. If anyone you know and love has perished in any of the ten ways listed above, I sincerely apologize. I do not mean that your loved one was a superweirdo, just that the way s/he died was out of the ordinary, or atypical, if you will. 

I am now preparing to go camping. As always, although I believe I have prepared and prepared for survival scenarios, when arriving at a campsite I become aware that I've forgotten something vital. 

Like the marshmallows. 

Hopefully that won't happen this time. Wish me luck. 

Help My Pumpkin!

I lacked the foresight to take a photo when I arrived home Saturday afternoon to the sight of an overturned styrofoam plate on the sidewalk. As I closed the gate and inspected the package, I saw that a hole had been chewed through two layers of plastic bags and the plate. I flipped it over to find...

...a batch of my Granny's homemade brownies. Ruined! Now, if you know anything about my Granny's cooking and/or baking, you know that a ruined batch of brownies really is tantamount to a national emergency. I saw the culprit running for his life and screamed at him as I waggled my fist in the air and he bounded up the tree. I warned the evil, evil squirrel that Buddy (the border collie) was going to kill him on my behalf.

(Upon hearing about my reaction to the disaster, Granny promptly delivered another batch of brownies.)

Critters. Another little secret of the Midwest that seems benign until...in addition to the brownies on the back sidewalk...there's this in the front:

Also the work of the demon squirrel! I even BLEACHED the pumpkin before sitting it outside, but the squirrels don't seem to care. They keep coming back for more, and before you know it my pumpkin will be rotten and un-usable.

Thank goodness for the internet:
http://www.food.com/recipe/crock-pot-curried-pumpkin-soup-181975
http://whippedtheblog.com/2009/01/11/vegan-pumpkin-chocolate-chip-muffins/
http://hellyeahitsvegan.com/vegan-pumpkin-bread/
http://www.vegetariantimes.com/recipe/vegan-pumpkin-pie/

I say "thank goodness" because the pumpkin I'm going to rescue from the front porch and butcher WILL NOT BE THE LAST PUMPKIN!

It is my first October in the Midwest in 11 years (because the mid-Atlantic doesn't count as the Midwest), and durnit I will have a perfect pumpkin on the porch.

In the meantime, this is a truly apocalyptic scenario. It is truly unforeseen and rather devastating. This is why we must prepare, people! So that our food that we set out for ourselves will not fall victim to fluffy-tailed rats. I need your help, loyal readers:

How the heck do I keep my pumpkin away from the squirrels? 

Popular Mechanics (more about Popular Mechanics in an upcoming post) actually advocates this as a carving solution:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? Ugh. 

I will leave you on a brighter note, however, my dear readers. Some new and different Halloween decorations that I haven't seen for years have surfaced in my parents' house. Check out this mummy that I painted when I was in middle school. 

Don't hate. Appreciate. ;)

Stubbornness Averted

Well, I was trying to delay posting until I managed to find the aforementioned Capitol Collection in a store near me. Luckily for my readers, something happened in the meantime, and I received a new survival kit in the mail, which I'll tell you about in this post.

Many months ago, my parents went to test drive a car to get a gift card. They actually wanted to test drive the car, but the dealership was busy, so they got the gift card and were sent along their merry way. The gift card was for an outfitter that happens to sell a Deluxe Survival Kit unlike any I have ever seen before. Now it is in my collection of survival kits, and all it cost was like an hour of my parents' time, and $3.50 in RT fuel cost according to mapquest.com.

I will tell you what it includes. It includes a signaling mirror. A map compass (I have other compasses, but this one has a base that you can set down on your map for more accurate orienteering), and a magnesium firestarter because a girl can't have too many of those. But that's not all! It also includes 12 fire sticks. Well, I already have the best fire-starters ever, which I made myself with Miss Gokey, but I'm very glad I looked up the contents of the kit, because I very seriously believed the fire sticks were some kind of high-energy protein bar-type snack. I was mistaken. I'm glad I didn't bite into one.

Further, the kit includes one poncho, two towels that are shrunk to the size of quarters (once unleashed, those towels are NEVER going back into the bag), and one tiny roll of duct tape, presumably enough to tape you up if a branch rips a 1/2" gash all the way up your forearm.

The best parts of the kit are two things that I don't have in my previous kits: glow sticks (! YAY! I let glow bracelets from the dot spot suffice for my homemade kits) and...

drum roll please...

a bug net. Which my dad immediately put on his head. I didn't get a photo of him, but here's a photo of ME wearing it.

It's cammo! Perhaps you'll see me wearing it in the woods of Michigan some summer soon. Just for the bug net, the packet was totally worth the absolutely $0 and 0 effort that I personally put into it. Thanks, mom and dad! 

In other news, I have FINALLY finished reading 1491. You can find my rather abrupt review on goodreads here. I think. Now, since it's October (my favorite month), I'm reading Libba Bray's The Diviners. 

Official Entry

You will recognize some of the images below which I have previously uploaded onto past posts. Put together, they form my September contribution to the Artastic Challenge Blog here on blogger. The criteria were that the entries be happy, colorful, whimsical, and/or fun.

Much better than SAT practice questions. :)

What fun and happy experiences are you having this fall?

Rants and Reviews

I spent my morning joyriding around to every store in a ten-mile radius looking for some Cover Girl promotional nail polish for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. The movie will come out on November 22nd, and I'm very excited about it. After hitting 3 Walgreens stores in 2 different states and coming up empty-handed and bare fingernailed, I came home and googled the collection and saw this ad. Now I'm convinced that the collection has been released, that I saw it in the store and didn't know what I was looking for. It's called the Capitol Collection, and I don't care that Cover Girl is part of a big international corporate conglomerate. Now I know from the ad what to look for, so I'll hit the makeup trail again soon.

How do I know about Cover Girl's evil corporate status? My new previously-mentioned buycott app. I took advantage of my time in the stores to shop for some cruelty-free facial scrub for after my Neutrogena runs out. I absolutely love Neutrogena products, but according to buycott, Neutrogena contributes large amounts of money to Scott Walker. (Pay attention to the "transform education" priority.) I know this because I joined the "Boycott Scott Walker Contributors" campaign. I also joined one of the cruelty-free campaigns, one of the anti-GMO campaigns, and the "We Own You" campaign. In conclusion: I can't ever buy anything at any store ever again.

That's an impractical plan.

I will try to choose the lesser of the evils. I literally scanned EVERY brand of facial soap on the shelves. (Yes, I know Walgreens contributes to Scott Walker, too. Baby steps!)

Pictured below is the only cosmetic product that was cruelty-free and didn't give Scott Walker money.

Look at those prices! I have contacted my friend Chris to see if his wife Angie's company, YB Urban?, features facial cleanser. In the meantime, I found a web page that lists 6 recipes for how to wash your face with food. 

When you can't trust Walgreens, who can you trust? Pinterest. That's right. Inspired by Kristy Phipps's Pinterest Sunday photo, this was breakfast today:

Pumpkin french toast FTW! Frying apple slices covered in pancake batter wasn't half bad, either.
Ms. Whitaker will note that the taffy apples have appeared at the grocery store, as well.

Coming soon: the actual artastic challenge entry for September, and me expounding on my local hometown libraries.

Just another grocery trip