Did Someone Say Popular Mechanics?

Yes, someone did. It was me. As part of my magazine problem, I noticed the bright orange cover, the ring buoy, and the large-typeface words "SURVIVAL SECRETS," and I couldn't resist.

I had flipped through the magazine previously and noticed the horrible idea of smearing a peanut butter pattern on your jack-o-lantern and letting the squirrel carve it. Below, by the way, previously seen by you on twitter if you follow me (@OriginalGeoTrix), is the image of the muffins that I made from Whipped the Blog. I planned to make the muffins during the writing of my previous post.

Anyway, I read the cover story during my prep hour while subbing for world history class at Griffith High School. The "Survival Secrets" article was basically a list of 20 superweirdo* ways to die, some of which I'd never heard of (low head dams, shallow-water blackout, "cliffing out?"). I decided I would share with you my personal top 10 favorites, and then you can decide for yourself whether you would like to buy the issue. 

Superweirdo* ways that people die, and how to avoid them

1. vending machines/don't let them fall on you. You may want to avoid them all together. 

2. jumping off a dock into electrified water. / Don't swim. Ever. (I call impractical on this one.)

3. riding ATVs on pavement, flipping over, getting crushed./Ride ATVs only on ATV trails. Personally, I will not be riding ATVs. 

4. lawnmowers./while mowing, do not mow sideways across a steep slope. Mow up and down the slope. 

5. falling from ladders and scaffolds/THREE POINTS OF CONTACT applies here, as well. Remember.

6. crossing a stream/DO NOT CROSS if you throw a stick into the water and it moves faster than you can comfortably walk. 

7. cutting down trees/do not chop trees that stand at an angle. Personally, I will not be cutting down trees. 

8. getting hit in the chest by baseballs./don't get hit in the chest by a baseball. 

9. falling out of a tree while hunting/use a harness. Personally, I won't be hunting. At least, I'm not planning on hunting. Never say never. 

10. generators./Don't use generators indoors or overnight, keep generators at least 20 ft from the house so that carbon monoxide doesn't seep in through the windows. 

Also...avoid riptides. 

#6 is my favorite. I never knew that (ok, I never knew any of these things), and I think it's the one I can apply most directly to my life. Well, #6 and #1. Which is your favorite? Do you have any other superweirdo* ways to die? 

*"superweirdo" is a word I either just made up, or just reclaimed. If anyone you know and love has perished in any of the ten ways listed above, I sincerely apologize. I do not mean that your loved one was a superweirdo, just that the way s/he died was out of the ordinary, or atypical, if you will. 

I am now preparing to go camping. As always, although I believe I have prepared and prepared for survival scenarios, when arriving at a campsite I become aware that I've forgotten something vital. 

Like the marshmallows. 

Hopefully that won't happen this time. Wish me luck. 

Help My Pumpkin!

I lacked the foresight to take a photo when I arrived home Saturday afternoon to the sight of an overturned styrofoam plate on the sidewalk. As I closed the gate and inspected the package, I saw that a hole had been chewed through two layers of plastic bags and the plate. I flipped it over to find...

...a batch of my Granny's homemade brownies. Ruined! Now, if you know anything about my Granny's cooking and/or baking, you know that a ruined batch of brownies really is tantamount to a national emergency. I saw the culprit running for his life and screamed at him as I waggled my fist in the air and he bounded up the tree. I warned the evil, evil squirrel that Buddy (the border collie) was going to kill him on my behalf.

(Upon hearing about my reaction to the disaster, Granny promptly delivered another batch of brownies.)

Critters. Another little secret of the Midwest that seems benign until...in addition to the brownies on the back sidewalk...there's this in the front:

Also the work of the demon squirrel! I even BLEACHED the pumpkin before sitting it outside, but the squirrels don't seem to care. They keep coming back for more, and before you know it my pumpkin will be rotten and un-usable.

Thank goodness for the internet:
http://www.food.com/recipe/crock-pot-curried-pumpkin-soup-181975
http://whippedtheblog.com/2009/01/11/vegan-pumpkin-chocolate-chip-muffins/
http://hellyeahitsvegan.com/vegan-pumpkin-bread/
http://www.vegetariantimes.com/recipe/vegan-pumpkin-pie/

I say "thank goodness" because the pumpkin I'm going to rescue from the front porch and butcher WILL NOT BE THE LAST PUMPKIN!

It is my first October in the Midwest in 11 years (because the mid-Atlantic doesn't count as the Midwest), and durnit I will have a perfect pumpkin on the porch.

In the meantime, this is a truly apocalyptic scenario. It is truly unforeseen and rather devastating. This is why we must prepare, people! So that our food that we set out for ourselves will not fall victim to fluffy-tailed rats. I need your help, loyal readers:

How the heck do I keep my pumpkin away from the squirrels? 

Popular Mechanics (more about Popular Mechanics in an upcoming post) actually advocates this as a carving solution:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? Ugh. 

I will leave you on a brighter note, however, my dear readers. Some new and different Halloween decorations that I haven't seen for years have surfaced in my parents' house. Check out this mummy that I painted when I was in middle school. 

Don't hate. Appreciate. ;)

Popular Mechanics

Although the cover of the February 2012 issue says Game Over: 12 Ways the World Could End in 2012, the title of the actual article is, "That's All, Folks." The article begins with discounting Maya prophecies as mysticism and encouraging readers to examine the "hard science" of things that might severely alter, if not end, civilization. The twelve things include but are (obviously) not limited to:

• Pandemic flu: This is possible because it happened before, in 1918, and killed about 65 million people. The global war that immediately preceded it only killed 38 million, according to PBS. This is also what's currently happening in the Netflix dystopia I'm currently watching: Survivors. 
• A massive supervolcano (hey! There's one of those in creepy Yellowstone, about 800 miles from here!) It could explode and turn the Earth into a -50F ice ball. Permanently.
• Oceans become acidic, killing the reefs and leaving the coasts vulnerable to superhurricanes. 

Then there's the big finale (I'll use the words of Matthew Broderick): global thermonuclear warfare. 

So, now that we're all informed consumers of "hard science," here's a list of things in the issue that are arguably more useful than the cover story, and it is my opinion that Popular Mechanics did that on purpose.

1) Once again, NASA is sending a rover to Mars, and this issue contains technical information about it. 

2) The "World's Smartest Lamppost" is manufactured by Michigan-based Illuminating Concepts and can do amazing things in addition to lighting the streets. 

***3) "Home Sweet Fortress" tells us how to protect our homes from invaders, especially by planting thorny bushes under windows, hanging bells on the doors, being sure roommates know where the safe room with the gun and flashlight is.

4) Miss Gokey affirms that knowing how to build a $100 robot is NOT useful for us, but some people may be into that, so...

5) There are tips about how much money homeowners can save by doing things like driveway sealing and stump-grinding themselves. 

6) A nice little article includes information about craft distilling for gin and whiskey. 

***7) How to Build an Igloo. DID YOU KNOW that the snow blocks only touch at the corners? Amazing.

And finally, for the historical record: the national average price for electricity is currently $0.12/kilowatt hour. 

I am glad I picked this issue up, and I will keep one eye peeled for future issues with interesting covers, as well.