Rants and Reviews

I spent my morning joyriding around to every store in a ten-mile radius looking for some Cover Girl promotional nail polish for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. The movie will come out on November 22nd, and I'm very excited about it. After hitting 3 Walgreens stores in 2 different states and coming up empty-handed and bare fingernailed, I came home and googled the collection and saw this ad. Now I'm convinced that the collection has been released, that I saw it in the store and didn't know what I was looking for. It's called the Capitol Collection, and I don't care that Cover Girl is part of a big international corporate conglomerate. Now I know from the ad what to look for, so I'll hit the makeup trail again soon.

How do I know about Cover Girl's evil corporate status? My new previously-mentioned buycott app. I took advantage of my time in the stores to shop for some cruelty-free facial scrub for after my Neutrogena runs out. I absolutely love Neutrogena products, but according to buycott, Neutrogena contributes large amounts of money to Scott Walker. (Pay attention to the "transform education" priority.) I know this because I joined the "Boycott Scott Walker Contributors" campaign. I also joined one of the cruelty-free campaigns, one of the anti-GMO campaigns, and the "We Own You" campaign. In conclusion: I can't ever buy anything at any store ever again.

That's an impractical plan.

I will try to choose the lesser of the evils. I literally scanned EVERY brand of facial soap on the shelves. (Yes, I know Walgreens contributes to Scott Walker, too. Baby steps!)

Pictured below is the only cosmetic product that was cruelty-free and didn't give Scott Walker money.

Look at those prices! I have contacted my friend Chris to see if his wife Angie's company, YB Urban?, features facial cleanser. In the meantime, I found a web page that lists 6 recipes for how to wash your face with food. 

When you can't trust Walgreens, who can you trust? Pinterest. That's right. Inspired by Kristy Phipps's Pinterest Sunday photo, this was breakfast today:

Pumpkin french toast FTW! Frying apple slices covered in pancake batter wasn't half bad, either.
Ms. Whitaker will note that the taffy apples have appeared at the grocery store, as well.

Coming soon: the actual artastic challenge entry for September, and me expounding on my local hometown libraries.

Water, Water Everywhere

It's the question that's on everyone's mind, but few have the courage to ask it: how much water can a person safely drink before hyponatremia sets in? I have the answer. I got it from Scientific American. I was inspired to ask the internet this question because even though the past two days have been a perfect and cool 75 here in the Mojave, with enough rainfall to make weeding the patio easier than it normally is, I know what's coming. We got a taste of the 100-degree heat about a week ago, so I remembered this image I ripped off from Pinterest (which means WHO KNOWS where it came from), and I started making vitamin water.



Doesn't that raspberry lime one look good? I thought so, too. The pineapple mint looks disgusting if you ask me, and I like both pineapples and mint, but I won't be trying that one. What happened when I went to Fresh and Easy, however, was that raspberries were expensive and blackberries were cheap. Fresh and Easy also didn't have any sage. So I made Blackberry Lime, considering that none of the homemade vitamin water websites tell you exactly what "vitamins" you are getting from your diluted fruit water. There linked for your convenience is a list of combinations you make at home, from a blog that uses this very same platform.

I've been downing an average of 64 oz per day, and according to the aforementioned magazine, you can safely consume 1,000 ml or 32 oz per hour and not come down with hyponatremia. Now you know.

The Scientific American webpage has a tab at the top for citizen science, which you know that I'm into because science is cool and the internet makes it easy to participate in data collection projects. Current projects include a marine debris tracker app that you can download and send data when you see debris on beaches, a museum transcription project that I was hesitant to learn more about because to learn about it you had to actually do it, and even a project that involves uploading photos of roadkill to UC Davis!

I encourage participation in this kind of stuff.

It now occurs to me that this whole post is dedicated to a set of #firstworldproblems. That's ok, though, I think. Most of my 3 readers live here in the 1st world as well.

Well, unless something drastic happens, my next post is likely to be just a photo. Until then...have a great time collecting data while sipping your delicious fruited waters!

A funny thing happened on the way to the magazine...

I misspoke and said the subject of the most recent chapter in the National Geographic special on our brains would be, "the subconscious mind," but it is not. It's "the unconscious mind," and so I haven't read it yet. The subconscious interests me much more than the unconscious. We all know that we can breathe and digest food without thinking about it. Let us take a moment to be extremely grateful for that fact.

A while ago, a Pinterest board called "infectious" invited me to pin to it due to my "Apocalypse" board. You can check out "infectious" here if you are on pinterest and into The Walking Dead and all that good stuff. There are some nice Zombie Valentine jokes and such.

Speaking of zombies.

Today in hour 6, I noticed an off-task student with a graphic novel in hand. He's an "A" student, and the graphic novel was Max Brooks's Recorded Attacks. Needless to say, I immediately swiped the book under the guise of confiscation to check it out and blog it in lieu of the brain special. In this way, the student was able to actually label about five of Europe's 49 or 50 countries. (When he fell to being a "D" student is difficult to say...)

Recorded Attacks maps and gives a graphic (by which I mean cartoon, not bloody) history of zombie infestation from the beginning of human time. The graphic depiction includes delicious MAPS and tidbits of actual history like Ancient Egypt, the Roman Empire, etc. After flipping through it, I approached my student and said to him, "Now explain to me how you are able to differentiate reality from fiction in your brain." There is only one word to describe his response. He stammered. "Uhhh...mmm...uhmm..."

From one row over and three seats behind him, one of the other two "A" students in the class piped up, "Hey! That's *my* book!" So I snatched it from D and waggled it in front of A (yes, he had >30 countries labeled at that point) and asked him the same question. He answered easily, "There's no such thing as zombies." I pointed out to A all of the savory geography/history bits in the book and then asked him a follow up question: "How can you be sure when you hand this book to a classmate that the classmate is able to keep reality separated from fiction in their head?" He answered easily, "I can't."

I informed him that if anyone included zombies in their upcoming narratives of the Roman Empire, I would seek him out and make him accountable for the error. He agreed and was happy to have the novel back. This may not be the most appropriate use of my class time, but it's kind of how I get things done.

And now the answer to the burning question that's on everyone's mind:
What happens when you pour vinegar into your ears?
Well, at first it's unpleasant. Then dizzying. Then, there is little to no effect. I am in fact supposed to be at a middle school basketball game right now, but I felt the need to pour more vinegar into my ears and relax in front of my replacement show for The Walking Dead season 2, which turns out to be Supernatural season 8.

Onward to the tea tree oil. I will avoid antibiotics yet!

The Unconscious Brain is coming soon, or perhaps a little story about How to Discipline a Gum-Chewer, My Version.

In the meantime, if you are still preparing for disaster, you're supposed to buy another can of meat/veggie soup, and some sunscreen.

For Tonight's Skill...

...a day late and not helpful in the apocalypse, but nonetheless...

I'm going to try to learn how to imbed a video.

<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/41781867?byline=0&amp;portrait=0" width="400" height="300" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe>

Hmm that totally didn't work, AND I spelled embed wrong...



Let's see if my 2nd attempt worked!
Ooh it looks like it totally did.
If so, two things...
1) This video is from the previously-mentioned, now-over-for-2011 Globe at Night campaign.
2) Here are the instructions for embedding videos in case the rest of you are SLOW like Yours Truly (YT).

Embedding is fun! I'll try it again, to at least make this blog post relevant by including an apocalypse joke, which I found on Pinterest thanks to the mad pinning skills of one Amanda Musgrove. Hmm, I'm going to have to work on adjusting the size. Ha! Enjoy.

Source: zazzle.com via Tiffany on Pinterest

The 3-Month AAR

In some relationships, the parties in the relationship sit down after three months and decide how it’s going, and in what direction. The Single Girl’s Guide to the Impending Apocalypse and I have existed together for three months, so I figured I would do kind of a tying-up-loose-ends post that tracks where we’ve been so far and where we’re headed from here. In the title, AAR stands for “after action report.”

Time is indeed running out. Whether or not the world ends, as the Maya may have predicted, in December 2012, this blog will either cease to exist or revert to its pre-apocalyptic state. I predict that readership will stay about the same. I think it’s fair to break the posts into a few distinct categories: TV/movies, reading, supplies and skills.

On the TV/movies front, I am currently working my way through season 2 of Supernatural at the advice of my family and friends. This show is delicious in its angst and teaches us next to nothing about the apocalypse. If you like scary shows, it’s good for teaching you the (real) history behind some of our society’s treasured urban legends and monster-hunting techniques. I have a great many episodes of Supernatural remaining to be watched, so I don’t plan on switching to/reporting on any apocalyptic TV in the near future. Lucky for us, I’ve reported on some TV about which I was tipped off at the last minute. I found some fun links on buddytv while searching for Supernatural images and then deciding they're probably all copyrighted, including "Which Supernatural Character Are You?" 

As for reading, I’m about halfway through Alas, Babylon. I don’t like to say “original” anything, because as a history teacher I know that there is always something else that came before. Now that I’ve safely set up my disclaimer, I will say that Alas, Babylon MAY be the original American post-apocalypse novel. MAY be. Written at the height of the Cold War, it envisions the trials of one neighborhood of people who are struggling to deal with the destruction of most of the U.S. at the hands of the Commies. It is fabulous. I hope that it is enjoying a sales surge in this, what may be the last year the world exists. After I finish, I plan to read One Second After at the advice of a former co-worker. While reading Alas, Babylon, I am also casually finishing the James Wesley Rawles books as well as Independence days. I stopped reading The Zombie Combat Manual when I got to the part with the workout. I bookmarked the workout, haven’t done it yet, and left the bookmark where it was. I have nothing new to report on the youth or YA fiction fronts.

Like Randy, the protagonist of Alas, Babylon, I’m stocking up, but I’m not sure I’m stocking up on the right stuff. I have a two-month supply of foods like soup, oatmeal, clif bars and protein powder. I also have an obscene number of first aid kits and an outsized supply of Band-Aids. If the apocalypse happens in summer, I will also have a large number of board markers to contribute to the cause. I have enough light to get me to a store where I can loot more light – I probably need to work on the light situation. At least I’ve invested in good food sources instead of Swiss chocolate.

As for skills, I’ll make a bulleted list. I now know how to do the following things which I did not know three months ago:

-          triangulate my position on a map

-          tie a few various knots

-          make 67 rows in a knit stitch

-          get ready to make pointy weapons out of rocks

I may have said it before, and now I will say it again. I wish I would have started preparing for the end of the world a LONG time ago. But I am happy to say that I am starting now, which is better than not having started yet.

On Friday after school, I casually mentioned “zombie apocalypse” as a student I don’t teach was walking by. She said, “That’s stupid. Zombies don’t exist. They never will.”

I said, “You’re right. But the apocalypse WILL come, eventually.”

I hope she takes my words to heart, but she probably won’t. After all, it IS spring break. 

Fresh 52 and the Greeks

$2.41

That's how much it cost me in fuel according to Road Trip America to go to The Fresh52 Farmer's Market, which happens each weekend in extreme southeastern Las Vegas. I don't think I'll be going to Summerlin on Tuesday afternoons anymore if I don't have to.

Don't get me wrong. Fresh52 is just as scrawny, with a majority of the booths selling bread (which I can make at home instead of buy - shoot, after that recipe I got from Pinterest, I'm convinced I should be selling loaves, not buying them), popcorn, pizza and hot dogs.

My issue was that even after my roommate sold me a bottle of Clover Honey for $0.00 so that I would have an emergency supply, I was running out of honey and was about to have a conniption fit if there was not a beekeeper at the corner of Eastern and Silverado Ranch. Lucky for me, a youngish guy with a pickup truck advertising his dislike for some of my favorite presidents and his support of some candidates I think are kind of crazy was hawking one flavor and some little wooden honey dippers. He bent the ear of the person in front of me for nearly six full minutes. The person was clearly not going to buy anything, while in the meantime I was mentally (and maybe even out loud, it's hard to say) chanting honeyhoneyhoneyhoney.

I walked away to another booth where I saw honey bears. Although orange flavored honey probably would have been delicious with that Pinterest cake (ahem, I mean bread...), I decided to go with what I knew. I did what every person who ever went to a crowded bar in their 20s knows how to do: I pulled out my money and waggled it at the salesman to indicate that I actually wanted a product. He winked at me. *shudder* But I got what I went to the market for. I also came home with spinach, asian pears and four really large, beautiful lemons.

How do I feel about buying honey from a guy who wants to string me up and take away my rights? Um...I'll get back to you on that.

In the meantime, while you're waiting for my response to that somewhat accusatory question, check out this article in the Guardian if you haven't already seen it on Facebook. I was just telling my students two weeks ago that Greece was busy getting bailed out just like us. It seems they're cutting out the middle man in Thessaloniki.

Our Europe unit is over, however. We will have to wait until next year to talk about Greece again. In the meantime, we are studying the continent of Africa, and I am following Proverbs of Africa on Twitter.

I will leave you with one from the Congo:
"He who looks for honey must have the courage to face the bees."

Bon appetit.

Confessions of a Screen Zombie

I have some information for you that you can't get unless, like me, someone you know subscribes to Scholastic Scope. That information is as follows:
"The average teenager spends more than 53 hours a week in front of a screen." The question we came up with (well, she did, and it blew my mind) is this: Does that count the PowerPoint presentations?

The point of Are You a Screen Zombie is that scientists are studying the effects of social networks, texting and TV on reflexes, grades, mood and weight. Scholastic Scope is a magazine for middle-level learners. Therefore, of course, the conclusion is that teens should reap the positive benefits of their tech toys, but turn them off before they get addicted. The website linked above has some other interesting stories on it. Here's an image of the cover; hopefully, it's not tooooo copyrighted. There's very little you can get from Scholastic without paying.

For the grownups among us, in its "10 Ideas that Change Your Life" story, Time (yes, I fell for it again) has a similar two-page spread called, "Your Head is in the Cloud." The story agrees that we don't remember as much as we used to due to our increasing reliance on search engines. The memories we form, the story contends, are not of the information we find, but of where we can find the information again later on. This revelation goes a long way toward explaining some of the baffling situations we teachers face in our classrooms. This short piece ends with a warning for adults that is similar to Scholastic's warning for our teenage progeny.

I am obviously not immune to the addictive qualities of electronic gadgets. I also clearly have a magazine problem. That's a different issue, though. Currently my roommate and I are both victims of the one-yard stare, with our phones nearby and Dual Survival (my idea, and a questionable one) just ended on TV. We're now moving on to Deadliest Warrior. This week, I accepted a pinterest invite, as if I have gobs of spare time. But I have an excuse! A great excuse! I'm a licensed practitioner of public education, so I must constantly do RESEARCH. There's my excuse. That's it, that's all I've got. And I didn't remember it...I looked it up online. Therefore, I don't have to wait for the apocalypse because at times I'm already a zombie.

Notice how with this blog, I slyly turn you into one too, the long-distance equivalent of munching on your brains. :) Sorry about that. (I'll apologize, but I don't plan to stop my behavior.)

I would challenge us all to spend one hour a day away from screens, but the fact is that I love my life. Despite (oops I forgot to mention the New Super Mario Bros.) video games, the internet, the PowerPoints, TV, the iPod and the phone, I and pretty much everyone I know still take walks, read books made of paper, have meals with friends and go out on the town. Personally, I plan to keep filling my brain with more information in a year than my great-grandparents consumed in their lifetimes.