Manic Panic!

The title of this post comes from a bodacious and obnoxious hair dye that used to sell in the 1980s.
It has to do with the first celebration on which I will make just a brief social commentary: New Year's Eve in Times Square last night (was that LAST night? Yeesh!). No, I wasn't there. I was snug in a cozy house in Weidman, MI watching the spectacle unfold on national television.

I have never been a fan of Carson Daly (in fact, I'm not even sure that's how you spell it), but I now feel a certain connection with him, or a kind of affection, born from the fact that as soon as we turned on the TV at 11:30, there he was looking and sounding terrified as he held on for dear life to some metal contraption high up in the air. He was saying stuff, but it was hard to concentrate on what he was saying because he was also talking so much about how scary it was to be that high up in the air and how he couldn't wait to be back down on the ground.

Once he was back on the ground, the TV host rambled on about how nice it was to be on the ground instead of in the air. He RIPPED the thing off of his head that whichever pretty quasi-celebrity he'd interviewed had put there, and then his eyes locked in to the teleprompter and he read like a robot. I hope he gets some comp time, or free medication, for his trouble, and I will hereafter view him as a human instead of a symbol of the decadence of American society. I think. Maybe.

I haven't finished reading I Am Number Four yet. I'm about 60% through. There is this totally disgusting puppy-love relationship between two of the fifteen-year-old protagonists and I'm all like, "eew! Gag me with a spoon!" The author, however, again describes feelings of panic in vivid detail, just like Carson Daly did. So. Although this book is clearly geared much more for age 10 than for age 35, there is still something relatable and appreciate-able about it.

Something else happened last night, as well. Shiloh took part in a New Year's Eve show. Despite the world not having ended on the 21st, the Doomsday Dashboard is still up and running (pandemic is trending in 1st place at the time of writing. A close second? Surprise! Economic collapse). I am happy that none of these disasters will prevent us from enjoying the timely record release of Shiloh's 2nd album on February 5th.

In other news, the Northwest Indiana Times reports that New Year's Resolutions are better if you post them publicly, so let this be my public announcement of my official 2013 resolution to be...more balanced.

There you have it. Do you have a resolution, or do you resolve not to make resolutions?

Election Apocalypse?

Nah.

Sadly, again with the Jakob Dylan...I can't find a downloadable electoral map anywhere online that I can rip off and glue here.

I was sharing with my students today how I remember the election of 2000 and staying up until 2 a.m. in a hotel room in the rural underbelly of one of the Midwestern states. My coworker and I, being wherever we were for a regional conference, finally fell asleep and waited until the next day to find out that Al Gore had conceded the election to GWB. I was shocked at how quickly it was over last night. I mostly avoided the hype out of a desire to soak up the apocalypse as completely as possible, but I did watch various coverages of the election returns on the youtube election hub. And yes. I, too, enjoyed Diane Sawyer's display.

Many thanks to a faraway cousin of mine for posting the following as his facebook status:
"All of this political griping is ridiculous! Did you all forget the world is ending next month!"
And that's how I've been feeling about the whole election. Of course, I'm an issue voter and I have issues, so my decision was made a long time ago.

Too bad about the map. I did find something else to rip off and glue:

During Halloween staycation in North Las Vegas (during which, I must say, there were a gaggle of ghouls of the "terminally cute" variety!), I caught just a glimpse of Doomsday Preppers on the National Geographic channel. Although I have mentioned it in this blog before, lamenting that I cannot watch it, but following the Doomsday Dashboard with wild abandon...the best part was making fun of the preppers with Miss Gokey.

Interesting that mega-earthquakes are only trending at 15% on the Dashboard tonight, given that the Guatemalan president has announced 48 deaths resulting from the 7-and-a-half quake that hit San Marcos today.

Speaking of Halloween, Jodi sent me an interesting article about a real-life military training exercise which was of course in the beautiful locale of San Diego. Apparently, the soldiers and sailors took part in a zombie apocalypse exercise. The president of the Halo, Corp. security company that was running the exercise (sounds a little bit Resident Evil, no? Umbrella Corporation, anyone?) said that news of the simulated zombie invasion, useful because in many ways zombie actions replicate terrorist actions (zombies are terrorists!), invited calls from "whackjobs." Haha. You can read about it here.

That's about all I can say about the end of the world tonight. I have a lot of work to do that has nothing to do with apocalypse skills and everything to do with teaching strategies and the manipulation of the minds of little ones. By little, of course, I mean 14 years old.

I *do* have this, courtesy of the Northwest Indiana Times via my dad:

Creepy, huh? Don't worry, there's more where this one comes from.

Keep me apprised of any new developments in your own preparations, and I'll do the same.

Drop, Cover and Hold On!

This post is brought to you by the number, "3."

My #3 goal for the day was, "compose a brilliant blog post." But instead, I forgot to write down the school district's definition of an earthquake and exact steps for conducting an earthquake/evacuation. So, what you read is what you get. I've acquitted myself from being brilliant.

That's right, kids! Today was the day of the Great Nevada Shakeout. The website linked here makes it a thing, and it is, but at the middle-school level it's really nothing more than a duck-and-cover followed by a fire evacuation. I say "fire evacuation" instead of "fire drill" because while making high-pitched whining noises to Miss Gokey about it, she reminded me that my middle school's regular old fire drills, because they entail walking 1/4 mile and gathering on the athletic field, are actually evacuation drills.

Earthquake drill!? But WHY, Ms. H, WHY???
Well, you see, here in Southern Nevada we live on top of a hairy network of tiny normal faults. (Incidentally, we also live on top of 1/6 of the Old Spanish Trail, but that's besides the point.) While not as beautiful or interesting as strike-slip faults like the super-destructive San Andreas, the normal faults have made Nevada #3 in the nation for the number of large earthquakes, according to the Nevada Seismological Laboratory.

Oh, San Andreas...
The worst thing about the San Andreas is that it's not my fault. Heheh.
Speaking of, this band I am connected to by one tenuous little drop of blood JUST TODAY posted a link on soundcloud.com to a song they wrote called, "It's Not My Fault." Learn it. Love it. BUY it (when you can). Oh, San Andreas...(and, ok, that there may have been the stroke of brilliance I was going for.)

Whilst a wav file played over the P.A. (hard to hear above my 38 shuffling advisory students), we all crouched down so that our heads were lower than the tables/desks for sixty seconds. Then the wav file announced, "this drill is now over," and we headed out to the athletic fields.

The burning question that was on all students' minds as we walked to the fields: In the event that an earthquake occurs and the ground is shaking beneath us, why would we leave the building and go strolling around on the shaking ground!? Valid point, tweenage brains, valid point. Answer: we assume that the building is going to fall apart, and that outside will thus be safer. 

We may in fact have had a chance of passing the drill...if the gates to the athletic fields hadn't been locked. Let's be honest, though, in real life...

Well, in real life during an earthquake, unless it's huge and large pieces of furniture are flying, the students pretty much just stay in their seats and their eyes get wide until it's over. The teacher (me) puts out their (my) hands in a surfing motion and sort of sways along. I've never experienced an earthquake in Nevada. One happened, but I was oblivious to it. Come to think of it, I was oblivious to the one in Xela, as well, until the students kind of all looked at each other and one of them whimpered. As the students' eyes got wider and wider, the shaking got more vigorous and I was reduced to the surfing stance.

In real life you don't get to participate in a meeting to let you know that there is going to be a "shakeout," so. I forgive the athletic fields for being locked. What's an athletic field to do?

Earthquakes are currently trending at 3% on the Doomsday Dashboard.

I encourage all Nevadans to check out the Seismological Laboratory website for a complete guide to your earthquake preparation. For the rest of you, even the New Yorkers (heheh), I take the liberty of offering you this one little vital piece of info for your kits, which I ripped off from the Seismo Lab. Enjoy!

******* Tuesday

In certain circles, there is a phenomenon known as "Suicide Tuesday." Suicide Tuesday has to do with Saturday night. You see, the joy of Saturday night can keep you going through Sunday and Monday...but when Tuesday hits, you realize that you are no longer "walking on slippery bowling balls" in one of the planet's most spectacular natural cathedrals. So you conveniently "forget" to write a blog post, hoping instead that your loyal readers will understand your irrational attachment to rocks and green things.

I still have things to say that I'm not saying, as our time potentially runs out, but the weather on this particular Suicide Tuesday helps me come closer than I have been able to in the recent past.

The time comes when the fodder is delivered from the Universe, and Selene and Yishay and Mr. Boldt post these photos on their facebook walls. (They ripped these photos off from local news sites.)

For sure the second photo is UNLV (pronounced "un-love").
I am grateful that I didn't have it anywhere near that bad. I don't understand this. I distinctly remember two resplendent days of constant rain that didn't leave the roads in this kind of shape. My theory is that the previous rain was inadequately absorbed into the desert pavement and the drainage systems suffered an unfortunate overload.

Bless James Wesley Rawles for putting an index in the back of his nonfiction book. Curse James Wesley Rawles for not including an entry on "floods" or "flooding" in said index. Curse the author of The Zombie Combat Manual for not including an index OR any info on flooding. Curse the Doomsday Dashboard (and the twitter feed that inspires it) for not even reflecting the remote possibility of flood.

So, tonight's glimpse into the earthly afterworld comes to us from author Erik Larson. He is describing the last days of Isaac Monroe Cline.

"He retired in 1935," Larson reports, "at the bureau's request, and opened a small art shop on Peter Street in New Orleans. He never remarried. He mourned the passing of slower days before cars and aircraft, but he filled his time to the maximum. He filled it with burnt umber and cerulean blue, linseed oil and turpentine, and the cold caress of ancient bronze."

Before I leave you with Isaac's own words, allow me to post a third image that came out of UNLV today.
Sure, it *may* be photoshopped. But still.

Now, reported speech from Isaac Cline:

"'Time lost can never be recovered,' he said, 'and this should be written in flaming letters everywhere.'"

Already in Progress

On a serious note, this morning a student member of my Zombie Apocalypse Team (don't be fooled by the hyperlink - my student isn't any of these famous people) came in absolutely freaking out. "Miss! How do we know when Judgement Day (we hate wikipedia but we love art!) will happen!?!?" He blathered nonsensically about the Three Horsemen ("There are four horsemen, honey," I said) and was not necessarily what I would call tranquil and having a mind in a state of readiness for finishing the novel we are reading, Schooled. 

I decided that he needed counseling of a variety the school counselors were not exactly equipped to provide. So I sat him down for a chat and calmly explained to him that he needn't be worried about something that may or may not happen at any given time, and that he would do better to concentrate on things that are within his control. I then reminded him that I am unqualified to give spiritual advice, and urged him to consult with his spiritual leader in matters like these. I tell this story to congratulate myself on what I feel was a living-up-to my New Year's Resolution 2012: Be Useful. 

Please know that in my six years of teaching, >1 student has come to me freaked out about the possible end of the world. 

So, since I didn't get to come home and blog today between the end of my normal work day and the beginning of the 6th annual awards night that I have survived, I decided to get some blog fodder. I went to Aliante Station and watched the first part of Battleship. By "the first part," I mean that I had to walk out on the exciting conclusion (during a particularly heartwarming moment, BTW). I OFFICIALLY hated the movie, but that isn't why I walked out. I had time anxiety and was scared of missing the beginning of tonight's awards. 

I love most of the leading cast members, so all's well. As you may know, Friday Night Lights is both one of my favorite TV shows and one of the things I miss the most about my former life. 

Which brings me to my newest call to action. OK. It was a matinee, I get that. But I was alone in the theater with just three other people. How do we as a society expect to lead this world (or any other) through an apocalypse if we can't even get off our lazy butts and participate in the part of civic life that consists of munching nachos in the dark while staring at a larger-than-life screen in a squishy chair the size of our loveseats at home? *end of rant*

Aliens. They don't even have a place on the Doomsday Dashboard. I went ahead and made a little chart of what Battleship can teach us Apocalyptically, anyway. 

The Good	The Bad	The Ugly
Acquire courage or get a prosthetic leg inserted where the sun don’t shine.	Assume the aliens intend harm to humans.	Hair.
When some otherwordly weapon is flying at your friend’s face and your friend freezes, pick your friend up and drag them to safety.	Shoot first and ask questions later.	Srsly, think about what you’re doing to your hair.
Learn about the way that someone from another culture does things, and if they know more than you, let them take the lead.
If there are any old people hanging around looking proud and stoic, recruit them to your cause with a heartwarming speech.

I may in fact go back and see the movie again, waiting until about an hour in and then slipping into a seat for the dramatic climax. I can't be a plot ruiner because I didn't see the ending, but I predict with full confidence, as in every contest between alien invaders and the American Military, the good guys will win. 

Let's hope so. 

In the meantime, I will now continue my regularly-scheduled Thursday night date with the Winchester Brothers, in a world where the outcome is much more precarious than anything the Hoebers wrote for the cinema audience. 

Blogger's Block

Here at the end of my year, which has been an academic instead of a calendar year ever since I was five years old, I am in full ADD mode, and I do not know if this is due to a lack of blog fodder or an overload. I specifically try to post on Tuesdays, Thursdays and sometimes Saturdays, because my friend Krista and I started our themed blogs at about the same time. You will know this is not shocking because if you read both of our blogs, you know we have some of the same good ideas, and you know what they say about great minds.  Krista posts the Wannabe on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays each week. Therefore, in my quest to fulfill my New Year's Resolution of usefulness, I like to give you something to read every other day so that you can dedicate the off days to the wannabe. This week I am hideously late. Why?

1. I have a magazine problem. At a recent professional development, I picked up an old copy of Archaeology magazine and learned that Europeans were using guns as early as the 15th century. I decided to dedicate a post to the fact that guns in the 15th century were likely to blow up in the user's face, since they were such new technology, and they were more of a fashion statement than a useful weapon. I wonder if the same might not be said today? The author interviews a scholar who compares the 15th century gun (the article was about the Battle of Towton) to driving onto a contemporary battlefield in a Ferrari.

2. I was going to link my comments about this article that I read to my comments on another article from the current issue of Discover magazine about the history of human warfare. Problem: I didn't read the article due to becoming distracted by the fact that Barack Obama is on the cover of the current Rolling Stone, of which I read half (distracted again by the need to choose multichoice questions for my departmental common assesment) whilst dancing around singing the old Dr. Hook song. So, there went yesterday's post, and I still haven't read the article.

3. Not finishing the 2nd half of my blog homework means that I will fail in my ambition to move Global Thermonuclear Warfare to the top of the Doomsday Dashboard.

4. Next, the discovery of some Maya glyphics that were older than the oldest discovered Maya glyphics prompted two of my friends on facebook to post links to articles stating that the world will not end at the end of the year. Problem thus solved, I decided to try again to move Mario into another world.

There is a fine line between a reason and an excuse. In the words of a French proverb, "He who makes excuses accuses himself." Hopefully I will be back on track again next week to update you on Discover magazine and any new developments. In the meantime, look forward to a special Sunday post dedicated to the West Rim. Until then, my loyal readers...

A Few Media Footnotes

1. I am currently watching Supernatural, and the apocalypse has finally come into the show. I'm waiting with bated breath to find out what happens!

2. I am satisfied that my fellow graduate of Indiana University, Suzanne Collins, did NOT plagiarize The Hunger Games from the "original survival game" Japanese novel called Battle Royale. Granted, I am only about halfway through Battle Royale. The concept is similar, but there are points that make it different enough to not be plagiarized. I will update my loyal readers on this book as I make my way through it.

3. DETENTION OF THE DEAD, starring one of my favorite young actors, Jacob Zachar, is premiering this weekend at the Newport Beach film festival. Sadly I will be unable to attend. But I look forward to the film coming to Las Vegas where I can thoroughly enjoy it.

4. Finally, it's been a long time since we've checked in with the Doomsday Dashboard. Trending tonight:  nuclear war is winning at 27%, followed closely by pandemic at 26% and economic collapse at 21.

I Can't Even Say It!

It's the most perfect line ever. I used it on my Nevada Reading Week door. I used it in my March 23 Friday letter. It's on my souvenir plastic cup. Therefore I feel it would be weirdly redundant to put it in here, so I'll type it really small.

May the odds be ever in your favor. 


By the time this post goes live, I hope that most people who read this page who are going to see The Hunger Games have already gone and seen it. (Don't worry, I won't be a plot-ruiner.) I also hope that all who are going to see the movie have already read the book.

I read the book a while ago and did not re-read it before going to the movie. I'm glad I didn't re-read it. I must say the movie is fabulously beautiful and as faithful to the book as it can be without merging into the second book.

My reading of The Hunger Games trilogy was definitely the first event on my personal post-apocalypse preparation timeline. The Hunger Games was written by a graduate of my own alma mater, Indiana University, and according to some, she plagiarized the idea from a Japanese novel written in the '90s called Battle Royale.

That novel is on its way now.

Perhaps my being so enthusiastic about the film means that instead of being a person who prepares for the apocalypse, I am a person who falls for the first clever marketing ploy. Be that as it may, I would not trade my $10 ticket or my $3 souvenir cup.

There's something about arriving at the movie theater at 11 p.m., loading up on nachos and coke, and then bursting into tears within the first 15 minutes (yeah, it's that good) that just makes me feel really American, in a good way.

I'm guessing that thanks to this movie premiere, nuclear war will be trending on the Doomsday Dashboard.
Let's check it...
Nope. Weirdly, "megaquake" has hit an unbelievable 49% as today's scenario of choice. Personally, I'm not finding anything in the news feeds or my twitter feed regarding recent earthquakes, so...
an anomaly. Please, if you know about an earthquake, tip me off. Thanks.

And now there is nothing I can say about it that hasn't already been said, so I will leave you with some advice from Haymitch:

Here's some advice: stay alive.

Enjoy the movie.