She advised me to let it "fester."
*ahem*
I just got finished teaching about the Black Plague, and "fester" is not a word I take kindly to. But what was I going to do, force the poor woman to go digging around in my thumb with a needle and tweezers? Besides, she claims not to have any tweezers there in the health office.
In a moment of not being able to sleep, I went on a very well-known medical-advice website and typed in "festering splinter." This very well-known website is famous for making the same diagnosis no matter how simple the symptoms:
YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!!
In my case,
YOU'RE GONNA DIE! POSSIBLY FROM BLOOD POISONING!
Um, no, not from a festering splinter, I'm not. I mean, I might, but I doubt that I will, and what a horrible obituary to have to read about your 2nd-favorite-blogger! I am confident that I will make a full recovery from my splinter.
So, I switched websites and found more agreeable answers.
Because I love my three loyal readers, rather than digging around in my thumb with a needle and tweezers, I followed one of the remedies from the Farmer's Almanac website/wiki.
First, I soaked my thumb in warm water for 10 minutes. Then, I made a baking soda paste and band-aided it onto my thumb. (Thanks to spending a year gathering supplies, I have enough band-aids to keep the aforementioned health office in business for an entire academic year.) This is somehow supposed to draw the splinter out.
This morning, noticing the whatever-it-is still stuck in my thumb, I washed the wound and microwaved some water (I know, I know) before driving into work in jeans and my shamrock pi shirt to celebrate pi day. I also prepared a baking soda paste in a shot glass and put it in the cup holder.
After about 5 minutes of driving, I hit a bump and spilled water all over my pants. I rolled down the windows and trusted the air of the Mojave Desert to dry my jeans, which it eventually did. At a red light, I finished the minor surgery, and just took the band-aid off now.
Drum roll...
It looks pretty much exactly the same as it did yesterday.
The Farmer's Almanac recommends repeating the treatment until the splinter magically emerges from the skin in which it is annoyingly lodged.
So, I will follow its advice and keep you posted in a future update.
Look for some changes coming soon to my amazon store, and feel free to share any of your own home remedies for splinters, preferably ones that don't involve digging around in my thumb with a needle and tweezers. I am happy to use myself as a guinea pig for most, but not all, home remedies.
Until next time...always put your gloves on before pulling weeds.
